Jokes

Slacker

A CEO decides to rid the company of slackers. One day while touring the facilities, he sees a guy leaning on a wall doing nothing. Wanting the room full of workers to know he means business, the CEO says to the guy, “How much do you make in a week?” The guy says, “$300, why?” The CEO hands him $300 and yells, “Here’s a week’s pay, you’re fired!” Feeling good about his first firing, he looks around the room and says, “So what did that goof-off do here anyway?” A worker answers, “Nothing. He was delivering pizza.”

False Advertising

A production worker at an ad agency was fired when they discovered he was the “copy machine flasher.” Every morning he used the copy machine to photocopy his genitals and then left printed copies on all the secretaries’ desks. After firing him, the boss said, “Too bad we had to let him go. He was the only worker here not guilty of false advertising.” His secretary replied, “Not exactly. He was using the enlarger.”

Moving Tribute

At the funeral of a cardiac specialist, the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock-up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished the eulogy and everyone paid their respects, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed, prompting one of the mourners to burst into laughter. The guy next to him said, “Why are you laughing?” The man replied, “I was thinking about my own funeral.” The man snapped, “So? What’s so funny about that?” To which the doctor replied, “I’m a gynecologist.”