Intellectual Stuff

These days, everyone’s super uptight about COVID-19. Perhaps I can provide some needed reassurance by telling you to relax! It’s really not that bad.

And even if it is, so what? Look at it like this: No matter what course this dreadful virus takes, will it really matter that much a hundred years from now?

I really mean that. A technique I often employ that never fails to raise my spirits in the wake of impending disaster is to close my eyes, take a deep breath and repeat several times: “For every cloud, there’s a silver lining.” This technique will relax your mind so you can clearly see the inherent positives in any deadly pandemic.

You may be skeptical. Rest assured, I can PROVE there’s a fun outcome to be had no matter how devastating the tragedy. I’ll even go so far as to say history may eventually view this “pandemic” as beneficial to mankind. How? I’m glad you asked!

Below I’ve compiled a list of historical “disasters” followed by explanations of how quirky events that sprung from them eventually outweighed, in terms of societal benefits, the utter devastation reaped upon their hapless victims.

• The “Spanish Flu” pandemic of 1918 killed between 20 million and 50 million people, but it taught us a valuable lesson on the importance of proper aspirin dosage! Who can estimate the untold lives enhanced by this handy information!
• Though unemployment reached as high as 25% during the Great Depression, this penurious period introduced the world to tasty a new delicacy courtesy of the affectionately named “Hoover hog!”
• Who could have foreseen that the devastation of WWII would inspire one of cinema’s most popular and enduring spy characters—James Bond!
• The 1881 shooting of President James Garfield was shocking and unusual for the time (notwithstanding Abraham Lincoln’s “theatrical release” 16 years earlier). During Garfield’s lingering illness (brought on by the assassination attempt) naval engineers built a makeshift cooling unit to keep him comfortable—an early take that paved the way for the modern air conditioner. Unfortunately, it failed in its intended purpose.
• The 1815 volcanic eruption of Indonesia’s Mt. Tambora had severe ecological effects that ultimately killed millions, but it also had the winsome outcome of leading to the invention of the bicycle!

So the next time your kid balks at wearing a helmet to go riding, surprise the little chuff with the lighthearted fact that millions of people died in bringing forth a benefit he now takes for granted!

It is, of course, too soon (let’s at least wait until the total death count is tallied) to begin cataloguing the wonderful and surprising benefits that surely will arise from this terrifying plague. But when the dust has settled, resist the urge to focus on death and destruction. Why not instead revel in the quirky and pleasant side effects sure to arise from the pestilence?

Some of life’s biggest disappointments can lead to future triumphs (who would have guessed the great Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team?)

My advice on getting through this pandemic? Relax. And in the future, when something bad happens, stop and ask yourself: Is this really all bad?

In the grand scheme of things, I predict Corona will be a minor footnote in a wide history of catastrophes. So why fret over it, especially when the next major existential crisis may already be at our doorsteps (giant Asian murder hornets, anyone?)